Running packs and other vital things

Oh shit. My running pack’s arrived. Ohmygodohmygodohmygod. I didn’t think I’d actually have to do it. Now I have a number and everything. And a revolting yellow running top. Yellow? Jeez, this just gets worse and worse. As Lucy said, about age 8, “Not many people can wear yellow, can they?”. I also have a Brook running top which doesn’t fit (though it’s better colours) and dozens of nice safe black ones. And my running raincoat. Which I love. I think I'll wear that, and then the top doesn't matter and I'll be a bit protected if it's rainy or cold. Oh. It's yellow.

See what I did there? I did what I have been doing since the bloody pack arrived and I opened it, peaked in, burst into tears and closed it again. I have been displacing my anxiety by focussing on the things which do not matter. Here, in no particular order, are the things which don’t really matter, but which have taken up quite some brain time recently:

• what colour top I run in;
• what pub we meet up in when we’re finished;
• whether I save up episodes of the Archers , Play of the Week & The News Quiz or download new (to me) Desert Island Discs;
• whether I take my own water bottle or grab the ones on the route:
• how many bags of jelly babies I need to buy to make sure I have enough black, red and pink ones;
• whether my GPS watch is able to stay in touch with the satellite all the way round, or if it might drop out sometimes, thus recording my run slightly shorter than a full half marathon (ANNOYING);
• what I’m going to eat on Sunday afternoon;
• what I’m going to eat on Saturday night;
• what I’m going to spend my day doing on Saturday;
• who I leave my bag with while I run (within reason);
• whether I’m going to notice my supporters as I run, what with my tendency to look at my feet;
• what my supporters are going to do with themselves between Steve finishing and me finishing;
• If I'm going to make my £1,000 fundraising target (nudge nudge, here's the link, doing really well so far, thank you all for your support)
• whether people will laugh at me because I’m so slow/whether I’m going to be the slowest/whether I will be faster than the slowest people who ran the race last year and whose times can be looked up on the internet. Apparently.

And when those distractions fail, I just wander round wondering what I walked into the kitchen/living room/hall/office for.

There is only one thing, of course, that really matters. It’s currently sitting in my chest like a mass of fighting butterflies and sometimes making me cry and it is:

• whether I’ll be able to run for 13.2 miles on October 7^th

After my big 10mile run the other week, I felt pretty confident I would be able to – I thought it was just about possible that I could do it. But last week, I got THE INJURY and now I’m not so sure.

I knew an injury would have to come at some point, and I am happy that the one I have is just a niggly/muscular/annoying thing, rather than one accompanied by words like “popping noise” “agony” “tear” “ligament” or “sports physiotherapist”. Essentially, I have a rather achy thigh muscle which has developed into something which is stiff and painful when I’m not running and barely troubles me when I do. In fact, I have managed to achieve an injury which works in my favour. Of course, when I stop running, my leg stops working which is a bit of a nuisance. I have an injury which is forcing me to keep going. Which is just as well.

It has slightly curtailed my training. I had to skip two midweek short runs just after it happened and, more seriously, I wasn’t able to run my final really long run (of 12 miles). However, everyone tells me and that if I can run 10 miles, I can run 13 and the 12 mile run would only have been for confidence. Luckily I have bags of confidence. Oh.

Anyway, I must go, the run is less than 2 weeks away and, as I mentioned, I have an awful lot of very important things to think about.